An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
