dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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