I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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