i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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