fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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