when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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