you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
