Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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