found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
