so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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