my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize