i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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