btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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