He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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