ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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