Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
