I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
