I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
