I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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