She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
nutella sex= disaster
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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