For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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