so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
