you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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