We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
