Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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