Kiss
Puke
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
