Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
