bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
