PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You are a genius and a whore.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
