i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
