maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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