thus making me awesome and them whores
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
