I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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