Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
