Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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