I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
