What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
