the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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