im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
