How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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