i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
