New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
