I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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