I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
