anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
