But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
