My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
