So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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