i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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