every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
