Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
