I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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