Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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