wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
