Your face is a jimmy john
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
