Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
