yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
