6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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