the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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