allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
