what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
