benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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