I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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