the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
