Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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