I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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