so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
