how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
